Monday, March 22, 2010

Nessa April 26, 2002 to March 22, 2010

Nessa died tonight at 1:34am. That's so stark, but I've been crying for over an hour since she's gone. She had thrown up her breakfast Wednesday and Thursday but ate her dinners. Friday she was willing to eat beef broth, nibbling some corned beef and drinking and still active. So we thought she was up to the trip to the beach to the beach house. While there she refused to eat but was still drinking. She was keeping down the pedialyte and baby food that we got her on Saturday. It wasn't until we got home this afternoon and I realized that I hadn't seen her drink today. So we were using the syringe (minus needle) to try to keep her hydrated with the pedialyte. I had her on the bed with me so I could keep an eye on her through the night and Brandon volunteered to sleep on the couch. At 1:30am she sat up, threw up what was in her stomach and then leaned over. I moved her to a different position and realized that was her last breath. My baby was gone.

I've been out of the bedroom for an hour and a half and she hasn't come out to check on me and go flop down on the couch to wait for me to tell we were going back to bed. Brandon's come out though. No more happy wiggly butt happy to see that I'm back home. No more snoring warm body leaning against me butt to butt in bed. Yes, I know Brandon will still be there, but it won't be her. He won't have to complain because she's laying in the bed between us. No little girl excited that its sunny and going outside to check her fish, or sun bathing on the patio.

Nessa would have turned eight next month. She picked me out when I went to visit her litter. She was advertised as a scottie-cocker. She was born in Molalla to a backyard breeder of Cocker Spaniels who mis-identified her neighbor's dog as a Scottie instead of a Schnauzer. I was still new to the world of dogs, so it wasn't until at a Rally-Obedience trial at APDT and all the ladies were cooing over the cute little Schnauzer puppy that I realized that there may have been a mistake made.
There were all these little puppies crawling all over but she was the one that came and sat on my shoe and tried to climb up. It was my birthday and she was one of the best presents I've ever received on a birthday. She just wanted to be with me whenever she could, Brandon has said that she would sit and look for me out the window when I was gone for very long. I was the only resource she guarded and she did it benevolently. 

Nessa also knew how to 'kiss'. Kiss meant bump mouths, not lick. Kisses though meant tongue licks and only a few, no need to get sloppy about it. Unfortunately, she really didn't like the car so that kind of hindered things. She loved the activities at the end of the ride once she was there. The many trips: beaches, camping, parks, hikes, fields, friends. She was a people dog, not a dog dog. Meaning, if she had a choice of who she was going to interact with, she was going to pick the people not the other dogs. People after all were good for scritches, other dogs couldn't give her that.
Training with Nessa was pretty easy. After all she was getting to spend time one-on-one with me and getting food at the same time. Bonus-Bonus for her. I knew she wasn't an agility dog, but she did have fun learning the stuff for Rally Obedience. Competition wasn't something important to do with her though, so no fancy titles from it. She and Norbert also had lots of fun with Tracking, but with Nessa I think it was all about the hot dogs and 'find it' became a good way for her to find dropped food.

I wasn't ready to lose her at such a young age. I thought I had at least another eight years with her. I'm really going to miss her and I don't know what its going to be like with just Norbert. He's had Nessa since he was nine months old, they were truly companions. Things will not be the same, they'll go forward without her, she'll always be remembered and loved. There may be another dog in my future, they won't be a replacement because she really can't be replaced, like you can't replace a human that has been lost. Her loss is just something that is so hard for me to believe right now. I'm just devastated. I love you babycakes and you'll always have a big spot in my heart.
Still no puppy check of where I am. Nessa where are you?

ETA: 5:00am Correction, Norbert was up in the corner of the couch watching over me this whole time. Letting me do the laundry and wash dishes and cry. I'm going to take him to bed and try for a little sleep before taking Nessa away. I want to have her cremated rather than buried here. I also apparently can't read a calendar.


  1. Big hugs! So sorry for your loss. :(

  2. Oh Tami, I am so so sorry. Hugs to you.

  3. I am so sorry Tami. I am glad I got to meet her. Very sweet pictures of her in your blog post. I can only imagine how sad you must feel right now. Take care.

  4. oops i clicked too soon it is caroline not carol

  5. So sorry. I know Nessa will be missed... hugs.

  6. so sorry for your loss. I know the pain of losing a constant companion. Know that you are in my thoughts....

  7. I'm sorry, Tami. She was a wonderful friend to you and a little cutie pie, too. May you treasure your memories of her and feel her spirit for a long time to come. Hugs to you, Norbert, and the rest of your family.

    Judi, Kyah, and Rory

  8. So sorry for your heart loss. They come bringing all and leave what feels like taking all. Yet, they forever leave the paw print, everywhere and in every part of us. Difficult and still a present of joy to unwrap in my memories.

    Mara and Freely

  9. I am so sorry. It's amazing how much love a little creature can create. {{Hugs}}

  10. Oh, I am so sorry for your loss! We've been through this, and know how hard it is to say goodbye to a beloved companion when your heart is broken. I wish I could make it all better for you but I know there's nothing that would. Take your time, and when you can, play "do you remember when?" and it'll be just like she's in the room with you.

  11. Tami, I"m so sorry. It's hard to lose a beloved pet. Hugs to you.

  12. Hi Tami,

    I'm so sorry to hear this.. Many, many *hugs*. Nessa had a wonderful puppy-Mommy.